Harperson: the face that launched a thousand shits.The Labour Party have announced a radical new scheme to increase turnout at the next General Election, which is due to happen before May of this year.
The plan will see Deputy Leader Harridan Harperson become the public face* of Labour's general election campaign strategy, as the party flails desperately to avoid a defeat of Kinnockian proportions.
Prime Minister Gollum Brown, speaking to the annual session of the Insomniacs Society, said, "it is right that we employ radical measures to increase the number of people votingLabour. We have therefore decided to implement a new incentivisation approach, led by Harridan.
"We have the Electoral register and will cross-reference this list against the details of those who vote on the day. If you haven't voted by the time the polls close, then we'll send Harridan around to your house to explain New Labour fiscal policy to you until your synapses bleed".
The announcement comes after focus group research indicated a lack of public support for a repeat of Labour's 2005 strategy whereby non-voters would be rewarded with a sharp left-hook from John 'Sugar Ray' Prescott.
Rumours that Mzzzzzzzzzzz Harperson would also be sent around to the houses of anyone voting Conservative, where she would then smile at them**, have not yet been confirmed. However, it is believed that this would be a short-term strategy only, due to the drain on NHS budgets caused by the resultant increase in demand for counselling.
*Urgh.
**Aaaaaargh.
The plan will see Deputy Leader Harridan Harperson become the public face* of Labour's general election campaign strategy, as the party flails desperately to avoid a defeat of Kinnockian proportions.
Prime Minister Gollum Brown, speaking to the annual session of the Insomniacs Society, said, "it is right that we employ radical measures to increase the number of people voting
"We have the Electoral register and will cross-reference this list against the details of those who vote on the day. If you haven't voted by the time the polls close, then we'll send Harridan around to your house to explain New Labour fiscal policy to you until your synapses bleed".
The announcement comes after focus group research indicated a lack of public support for a repeat of Labour's 2005 strategy whereby non-voters would be rewarded with a sharp left-hook from John 'Sugar Ray' Prescott.
Rumours that Mzzzzzzzzzzz Harperson would also be sent around to the houses of anyone voting Conservative, where she would then smile at them**, have not yet been confirmed. However, it is believed that this would be a short-term strategy only, due to the drain on NHS budgets caused by the resultant increase in demand for counselling.
*Urgh.
**Aaaaaargh.
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